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Bruno Mars's "Marry You": A Commentary


I have a deadline for my blogging internship coming up (read: tomorrow). I also have to pack so I can go back to college the day after tomorrow. That means that this blog is suddenly extremely important and amusing to me.

All my friends are either getting engaged or getting married. I am not. Thus the topic.

It’s a beautiful night

Mm, isn’t it? The moon, the breeze…

We’re looking for something dumb to do

Because that really is the best way to spend a beautiful night. Seriously. Ask any college student.

Hey baby

Yeah babe?

I think I wanna marry you

:O OH EM GEE!!!!!

Is it the look in your eyes

Hee, what look? You mean this cute one where I look up at you and my eyes are all big and trusting?

Or is it this dancing juice?

I mean, maybe, but I kinda like the other idea better.

Who cares, baby

I think I wanna marry you

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Well, I know this little chapel

On the boulevard we can go

Wait, you mean right now? Even though we haven’t even talked about this before?

No one will know

But…isn’t that the point?

Oh, come on girl

No! We need to talk about this! We need to talk about how we’re feeling and what we’re thinking about how we feel!

Who cares if we’re trashed

Um, I’m not trashed cough unlike some people, apparently…

Got a pocket of cash we can blow

How on earth do you have a pocket of cash to blow?

Shots of Patrón

Well that was expensive. Definitely a good start to blowing that pocket of cash.

And it’s on, girl

Says who??

Don’t say no, no, no, no, no

This is me saying no, no, no, no, no

Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And we’ll go, go, go, go, go

If you’re ready, like I’m ready

I’m not! I’m confused, I’m tired, I’m hungry, and have you seen my hair in this humidity??

‘Cause it’s a beautiful night

We’re looking for something dumb to do

Hey baby

I think I wanna marry you

Wait wait wait wait wait. You go from thinking of something dumb to do, to thinking about marrying me? Marrying me is what comes to mind when you’re trying to think of something dumb to do? Really? My hair isn’t that bad!

I’ll go get a ring

Everything’s closed, moron.

Let the choir bells sing like

Ooh, so what ya wanna do?

1. Since when do choir bells go “ooh”? 2. I want to get the hell away from you 3. Look, I can rhyme better than you can, and that was an accident.

Let’s just run, girl

In opposite directions.

If we wake up and you

Wanna break up, that’s cool

Well that’s goo—wait what? You’d really be ok with that? What do you even think marriage is?

No, I won’t blame you

Neither would anyone else with a soul and a body, even if the two were separated, which is the state you’re going to be in if you don’t shut up, stop trying (and failing) to rhyme, and walk away.

It was fun, girl

You just think marriage is a game, don’t you? You’re treating it like a one-night stand. Why would you even do that? Like really, who does that?

Don’t say no, no, no, no, no

Watch me. I’ve been practicing.

Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And we’ll go, go, go, go, go

If you’re ready, like I’m ready

I reeeeeally do not think you’re ready. You can’t even walk in circles right now let alone down the [straight] aisle.

‘Cause it’s a beautiful night

We’re looking for something dumb to do

I’m doing something dumb right now by being within a 50 mile radius of you.

Hey baby

I think I wanna marry you

Shut up.

Is it the look in your eyes

What look? You mean this cute one where I look up at you and my eyes are all big and horrified and shooting fire into your soul?

Or is it this dancing juice?

Prolly the “juice” you’ve been downing the past couple hours.

Who cares, baby

Not you, apparently.

I think I wanna marry you

Just say I do

…but not to you

Tell me right now, baby

no

Tell me right now, baby, baby

NO

Just say I do

Tell me right now, baby

Tell me right now, baby, baby, oh

Walking away…

It’s a beautiful night

We’re looking for something dumb to do

Hey baby

I think I wanna marry you

Shut up shut up shut up! I can’t even believe you! Tonight was so great, and so fun, and I was so happy, and then you proposed, and I was SO happy, and then you ruined it. You’re the worst jerk to ever breathe alcohol. Go find some other chick to have a one-night marriage with while I go home, change into my sweats, curl up in a blanket, eat a gallon (ok a pint) of chocolate ice cream, get on Pinterest, watch “The Notebook” or “A Walk To Remember” or something, and throw darts at your picture.

Is it the look in your eyes

I don’t even have a look in my eyes, unless you can see through the tears. ‘Cause I can’t.

Or is it this dancing juice?

Who cares, baby

I think I wanna marry you.

Go. Die. Now. Leave me to my ice cream and Pinterest and darts. I have decided to devote my life to making darts an Olympic sport so I can get something out of the gold-medal skillz I’m about to develop. So go away while I design my Board for it.

#BrunoMars #Love #Marriage #Pinterest #BreakUps #Engagement #Procrastinating

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