• Eileen Wittig

Against Exercise

So I’ve been working out. It’s what I do in the summer. And just like I do every summer, I’ve been dying because of the exercise. I hate working out. It’s so uncomfortable. Why can’t I just have muscles that can actually, like, do things? Why do I have to work to get them? Why can’t I just have them? They’re supposed to be able to do things. That’s why they’re there. Why should I have to work to get them to do what they’re supposed to be doing anyway? Why do I have to earn them by doing things I don’t want to do? Why can’t I earn them by doing things I want to do? Why can’t they just appear as a reward for getting a decent amount of sleep for a night or something? I would actually sleep if that happened. Sleep wouldn’t seem like a waste of time then. Kill two birds with one stone. In fact, why do I have to work for anything? Why can’t I just be given things? I haven’t killed anyone. I’ve never cut the tag off a mattress. I deserve to be given things without working for them. Why does the world hate me? Why do my own muscles hate me enough to decide, “Hey, you know what would be funny? If we made her work to get us to work. Hahahahaha.” Well guess what stupid muscles, two can play that game. I’m going to work you til you burn, so there. That’ll show you.

#Exercise #Complaining

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